It's really been awhile since I felt so much while reading a novel, or rather, being in the novel. Feeling my heart melt at the sight of such a loving relationship between a boy and his dad, with tears and hugs and kisses and the fight to stay together. Or it being stabbed when the other parent decided to move abroad with her new boyfriend and her boy. And also the moments when grandad died, or the pangs of unjustice building when the ex-wife keeps digging into old wounds, only to hurl the dug skeletons at the guy.
I guess this novel speaks too well about life, married life, the more-and-more-common marriage life of couples today. Its sad, 'cos children will always be the one paying the bills when the line snaps. Innocent children, sweet innocent children with all pureness in their tender hearts.

Then it got me thinking... bout what I have, and what I want to have.
Love and romance... It's ironical, both so closely linked, but are never the same. Romance comes before love, and after a long period of love, its hard to revive romance. I'm no experienced guy in this. But I wonder, I wonder....

And soul searching came. Somehow or rather, one thought leads to another, and suddenly a whole chain is formed, without even me knowing where it actually started.
Was I still the quiet (almost mute in front of people I'm not close to), reserved guy I used to be? The kind of person I tried to do away with not too long ago. Still remember my younger days, especially in church. Never really felt relaxed hanging out with the youths, and always avoided them. Never uttered a single word in church cos I simply just had nothing to say. It was just totally an awkward feeling. I guess sometimes I still feel some of it the same way today.

I certainly wish I could be more of an "I" personality (for those who know the DISC) kinda person, like Will Smith. The kind who could naturally connect with anyone. The icebreakers who successfully cracks the icebreakees in those dumb games you have. The ones that never fail to come up with witty comeback lines when being cornered in a conversation. Sometimes I obeserve such people in action. Its just amazing the way they speak -- at least to me.
And I guess I'm still the "C" person -- analytical at his best, as well as the "S" person, reserved, stable... or simply, just shut upped kinda person.

But wierd as it sounds, I actually love debates. The problem I have however, is that I'm just not so keen on keeping updated, in general affairs. So the arsenal of facts for hurling and blasting at the other party just isn't there. Other than that, it's just me that somehow like to prove the other guy wrong. Don't mistaken me here. I'm no ego maniac. Just that I it thrilling finding loopholes and backdoors, especially in stereotypes.

On the way back awhile ago, whilst my face was buried deep inside my novel, with one hand clinging tightly onto the handbar, and my feet carefully balancing amidst a multitude of commuters, I somehow managed to overhear the conversation started by one of my going-home-khakis. One of them said he wished something like a war would happen, because many young people today dun give a **** care about their family and parents. Many don't show respect anymore, and many only care about having fun and pleasing themselves. The younger generation's taking many things for granted, and I agree that I too... take many things for granted. I've missed many moments of standing by the wayside, looking at whatever flowers are present in my life, and admire them, instead of scrutinizing what I do not have. I guess after reading that book, my perspectives are altered, and I see how much of importance it is to treasure the people and moments... while they last.
Anyway, back to the thought one of my friend had. Of course, the others of my 'going home party' wasn't for that idea of a war, or any sort of a tragedy.

But it did struck something in my mind. We are getting more discontented, more disrespectful, more whiney, more self-centred. The model of a family is also breaking up. Its not just between mum and dad, but also between parent and child. Parent's fault or child's fault? That's not for me to say, cos different families have different stories to tell. But I'm sure somewhere it lies with communication. To talk to mum and dad about what's going wrong in the relationship. To tell them about how you're feeling, or the way they treat you if its unfair. To tell mum and dad "I love you." Darn, why is it so hard, even myself. Pride? The culture? Sometimes I really wished Singapore had the culture and boldness of the west. To be more thick skinned and not worry about face all the time.

So many things worth giving a thought about. I sometimes think about having a son. That boy who'll be part of me, the one who'll be almost the centre of my universe. A person one can never stop loving, and that's your child. *snap snap* But am I ready for a child?

But I know, I did wish I had a younger brother.

^caleb out

9ball's THE game

A Must Read: Man and Boy by Tony Parsons.

Halfway through it now, and I already know it's a Must Read. There were points where I was near to tears, and I realized I wouldn't know what to do if I were in his shoes.

A Must See: The Island.

Brilliant show... with appropriate amounts of serious issues and action scenes. Nightmare of science, I never thought this could actually be a possibility when I was writing countless GP essays last year on eugenics. Basically, it was just blind, factual essay writing. Now I understand... my eyes are opened.

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