12th October 2004

That is gonna be one day which is going to be filled with so much mixed feelings. I right now sincerely do not want that day to come. =(

Passing out ceremony may be the happiest day for many, think its not going to be so for me...
I'll kinda miss school, miss wearing school uniform, miss the cafe food and regret complaining 'bout the cafe food for the past 2 years... More importantly, i'll miss several people i met in this 2 years.

My closer group of girl-friends... Chrystal, Charmaine, Kerjin... You gals brighten up my stay. It was really fun getting to know them more this year when i decided to open up more to the gals... Eating, laughing and talking nonsense in the cafe over plates of prata and fruit juices. Not to mention the bio lectures =). Front seat grabbers yeah. Teachers always say, people sitting in the front row in the lecture gains the most. Well, we're mostly attentive, except for the times when we're all hyped up. Haha...

The Class guys... Kwok Siong, Yong Kang, Supeng, Wesley... Always the same group in class discussions, urm... GP discussions i mean.. lol. And always commenting bout YGH together, haha. From noticing her daily routines of pushing the ohp aside, then pouting her lips, and calling for attendance... to every single detail of her, like not wearing lipstick on that day, or the new ring or necklace on her... Every detail's amplified. Not to mention hearing the lame laughing sessions in the cafe. There's just always something to do. Makes it sound like we're so free.. haha

New J1 friends i made quite late this year... Chun Kiat, Zachariah, Clara... Met them all in the reading room near the exam period, where i was burying myself in books in preparation for Prelims. Got to know them thru Jiade. From sitting on the same table mugging, to knowing that they're really nice people to be with. Got to play more pool with Chun Kiat, Zach and Jiade. Pool buddies and really good players. From prelims to promos, I enjoyed every moment studying with them... Studying companions. Hope you guys will do well and promote. Such a crucial time, can really see everyone's getting so stressed...

My best friend... Jiade... Many things happened for the past 2 years. Really thankful we stuck through it all though one got left behind last year. This time round, he'll make it through well, I have faith in that. A trustworthy friend i never regretted knowing. My pool, gym, study buddy and much more... Gonna miss you so much. =( Strive towards the final destination, the 'As', then on with your dreams and ambitions in life.
Seeing him put in so much effort for the exams and muggin together with him, encourages me. Gonna miss all that studying together in the reading room. Think that studying's actually quite fun, just that exams spoils it. Well, school days will pass... But friendship can last. There are things which i hope for, always hoping for... That's my greatest wish, and it'll be the happiest day of my life.
Times when i felt i wasnt very nice, and felt i hurt him... ... i regret and i'm really sorry.
I just treasure him... and always will be praying for you. Hope we'll still meet up in time to come... and stay in touch always.

Just turned a year older today. 18. Time passes, and so does life pass. Much more wars to face, tougher battles... many coming soon. A step towards my eternal home. Hope loved ones will also be heading there too... one day... someday.
"Into the saving grace of Jesus, not willing that any should perish."

Closer My God, to Thee.

Justice, Justice

What do these sports/games have in common? Bowling, pool, snooker, chess...

For sure, the first 3 are known as Ah beng sports. Justice to the games!!!

Some stupid people just have to ruin the reputation and goodname of such sports, just because they offer the most convenient places to smoke, drink, as most people would percieve... -_-'' They are the most unique sports 'cos they demand 100% mental stamina during the whole process, and most importantly, you play them with your brain, not your muscles. Intellectual games i'll call 'em. You read, study 'bout the sport and the sciences behind them, before charging out into the arena to train. Maybe thats why they happen to be my favourite sports too --- The nature of the sport itself.

Billiards -- what do most people think of? Some green table surrounded by multi-coloured hair guys and their gfs, amisdt an aura of smoke that dosent seem heavenly at all.

Stereotypical... -_-''

Well, in some places i guess i have to agree... others, definitely not!

Bowling -- gangs patrolling the area seeking whom they may recruit, with a sparse sprinkle of bookies intermixed...

Hmm, why do such people just have to be spoilers? Cant they find another hobby and stop ruining the reputation of these sports?... I dun like them.
A change of impressions have to be made! Why cant people see snooker as a cultured European game, and Bowling as a professional American sport?

Talking 'bout Pool... Earl Strickland and Efren Reyes are the 2 guys that really catch my attention. They are the people I look up to in the game. (Hate to use the word idol) Watch them run the ball round the table, oh my goodness... I'll be aiming for that. Years i think, to master that precision...
Just got a cue on Sat, decided to get one more step more serious. Hope i'll like the feel of it and did not make a wrong choice of cues... Have to make an investment in order to try and experiment out on the game.

Bowling, Pool, Chess...
Major in one, minor on the rest. Which to major in? For sure, chess... I'm way to late to start getting serious.
Bowling... I wished i could major in that, but again, the pro-shop guy once told me I should have started earlier like in Sec.1 or 2. I think thats true. The competitive scene is just way to advanced. Inexperienced people will never make it. Besides, a terribly huge investment is required with coaching as seen as compulsory to improve, and equipment changes are always needed to keep up with newer technology. Lane conditions are gonna evolve too over the years, which means practice and coaching's gonna be necessary... forever, as long as you stay in the game. Hmm, huge demands are required. $$$ gonna be a major factor.
Pool, thats my last option in which I have a burning interest in. Thats where I'm gonna start experimenting. The table aint gonna change, rates arnt that high, coaching's not really necessary. Books, articles and videos should suffice at the moment, and a good playing cue. It seems like a good option... Oh well, i'll just wait and see...

In the meantime, All i want is Justice, Justice to these games!

Startling Discoveries

I was surprised. Never expected it to be, but it did.

An SMS led to a whole long stretch of conversation. Haha, and new discoveries were made. I don't blame him, but it seems like its getting more and more common... or am I kept in the dark all this while?

At least we do share something in common... not exactly proud of though.

New Homeground

Okay, I'm back!

Decided to switch from Xanga to over here. Hmm, blogspot offers much better services and tools, more leway and freedom too. Should have listened to Kerjin in the first place.. Haha. Well, managed to drag some old posts over here. Dun wanna forget 'bout them.

Tmr's the last paper for prelims! Yayaya... Bio option -- Growth and Reproduction. If you think that's easy or common sense, what a layman knows is only 4 pages of the whole stupid stack of notes. Everything's crazy, driving me nuts! All the irritating hormones. -_-'' Oh well, just tahan a few more hours, and Part I of the ordeal would be over soon. Part II's coming soon.

Tomorrow, tomorrow... Its gonna be an exciting day. Think im gonna buy the long awaited cue tmr. Hope its not gonna be a wrong decision boy...

Thursday, September 09, 2004

The Line(s)

A line… so clear, yet so thin.
Like a country border, it means everything.
But soon, it starts to fade.
Till one day, it ceased to remain.

A deep imprint, the line always bore.
To the whole world, it once stood firm.
But time erodes, and weather looms.
To them that sees it then, will be those that chose to.

Another line, closer to me.
Bearing some resemblance, significant it is.
To you, words halted, thoughts kept deep.
Because of the line, I feel that’s the best it should be.

Like a façade, I feel untrue
Times I wonder, how you think of me.
Wishing I could say it all,
But thinking twice, what the outcome will be.

The line, the lines…
Sooner or later, I feel…
It will be breached.

Untitled

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Been really a long while since I last came here, not that i got nothing to write, but... ...nothing that the whole world should know.

Hmm, in the midst of holidays now, and im SO bored. I wanna get out of the house everyday, with someone to ask out and somewhere to go. But unfortunately, everyone's burying their heads somewhere in some pages, and im SUPPOSED to be studying. Reading through the same material over and over again really bores you to death, and before you know it, u dun wanna touch it again. That's my problem. I think i know everything -_-, which is so so untrue. Now my worry aint 'bout the remaining prelims, hmm.. its about how im gonna study after the prelims, esp when As drag till forever. And the worst thing ever is the guilt, when I dont touch my notes. A whole big irony.

Been dreaming 'bout my pool cue recently. The urge is getting stronger. lol. Hope i can get at least some placing in this thursday's tournament, and get some winnings. Then, i'll go treat some people.. heh... and maybe then, my dream will come true faster.

Singaporean Halloween

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Its that time of the year again, where spirits roam upon the face of the earth... or issit just along the streets of S'pore? No offense, but i dun really like the smell(s) or noise. I thought the ghosts just need to eat. Didnt know they have to be entertained by singing and dancing too. Well, tolerance is the key, just have to wait for the 8th month.

I feel so dumb bout last night and this morning. -_-'' Fancy getting paranoid about something, something i 'imagined' about. I'm so morbid! Yer, and in the end, i got so affected just before the bio paper this morning. Hope i do do well. Bio's my only hope...

Love was when… Love is when…

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Spent a couple of hours this afternoon in church today. Nah, it wasnt service. Was Colin and Alice 25th wedding anniversary -- silver jubilee. Hmmz, dunno who came up with that name. 50th is golden i think... then whats 75? Angelic? lol...25 years is really such a long time. Wonder how many marriages today can actually last that long. Anyway, was helping 'em play the piano. In the midst of playing the song "Yours Forever", i couldnt help but notice the lyrics...

“… when you face the darkest night, we will face it together. Through the good times, I’ll be there, clinging warmly to your hand. When there’s no one else to care, I’ll be there to understand…”

Almost stumbled while playing. lol... Next came the slide show, and i thought about whats love... Love...
A verse struck me: "…it is not good that the man should be alone…”Gen 1:18 Then came Grayling's point of view.

Is love just a feeling, or issit a commitment like what many people say. Hmmz, commitment or no commitment, love always starts of with that feeling.... dUh...
Man, such vulnerable creatures we are... or did i use the wrong word? Maybe its just inborne in us. The mystery of love i guess, is that there's no basis for liking or falling in love with someone. Trying to forget someone you love aint an easy thing to do either. The pharse "..only time can heal..", issit true? or is it not? Issues bout feelings are so profound, yet simple, but the rules governing love and marriage are so many... -_-''

Marriages are no doubt people's happiest day. The desire to love someone and the need to be loved, is just so human. When the 'I' becomes a 'we', such a blessed moment. Then the thought bout gay marriages came... A humane desire to love someone fulfulled, but a cursed institution in the law of God and eyes of man. Hmm, a despised and discriminated minority group. Certainly it goes against morals which has its basis from God and to a certain extent, no justicfications.. You just have to follow it whether you like it or not. There's no reason i guess. But to look from the perspective of the minority, things should look different to them. A battle between inborne desires, which is love, vs. morality. The same desire only the majority can fulfill, but restricted to the minority. Hmmm... such issues are really interesting to ponder about. Is rationalising compromise? Is morality bias? lol

Ok.. enough of marriages and love. Preps for exam is tough, but kinda fun. Well, the study part is fun... the anxiety and fear bout results is not. The sight of looking busy kinda gives me some satisfaction, wierd i guess.
Hmm, was staring at my bio notes just now.. Amidst all the jargon of RuBP and GABA... my mind wandered off with my eyes glued to the words ---- Stoning. Thought bout all sorts of stuff. Dunno, i began doing a self check.

Then Jiade came into my mind. Hmm, I admire him, and kinda envious of him at times. Wish i could be like him... He just always have something to smile and laugh about, and his love for people around him is always there. He just brings joy and spreads it around.. Really fortunate to have known him here in JC... Oh well, time is short, passing out is soon, but i hope this relationship will last thru life, and i pray and hope too... in heaven thru eternity.

A Million Things

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Why is it that at the busiest point of time in my life now, I have a million other things i wanna do all of a sudden? Issit just some craving, or i've just gotten sick of my books. I wanna... ...

1) Workout in the gym everyday.
2) Go play pool.
3) Go bowling.
4) Go swimming.
5) Learn the 2 piano pieces im so dying to learn.
6) Jamm on the guitar.
7) Pick up a book and just read at some coffee outlet all day.
8) Talk 'bout life with a friend...

Wish i had the time for all of the above..

Today was kinda hilarious, looking at the length of 62s queue in comparision with the rest of the queues.. Record... of 5 people. Spent half my day in the former "party room". Now, its so dead quiet. Kinda freaky. Everyone's mugging away -- heads buried deep under notes, and wires hanging from every other 2 ears. Hmm, DP's words are very influential, like what KJ said. I must agree. The school is now suddenly filled with tension and seriousness.. first time i saw the balcony packed after 4pm. Haha, and the photocopyin lady is getting busier by the day.

I really wonder how she copes with the stress of zapping and zapping and zapping non stop for 8 hrs a day, maybe more. And shes a one-woman-show. Managing 4 machines inside + 4 machines outside + a cashier + a receptionist + photocopier + deliverer... Photocopy shop's flooded with students, zapping remains of whatever notes and what have u.. Maybe im not her, and the best thing is that, she dosent look frantic or like her hairs gonna get pulled out. Threshhold of stress must be very high... Really admire her. Nice lady too...

Think monday... im gonna hide in the toilet and not get my attendance marked.. Den i'll camp in the party room from 8 to 5... If i do fail or screw up my prelims -- its NOT my fault. I've never studied so hard in my life before... I wash off all responsibilities, and push it to "no-one".

“Brouhaha"

Thursday, August 19, 2004

That word just kinda tickles me.. lol. Maybe its because i dun read much, and i dun encounter such unique words. Hmm, met "hullabaloo" today. Some words are really wierd, wonder how they actually came about. Yer, another word that came to my mind was "yeohaha". Not an english word though, but certainly recognised by most people in 62. Hmm, gotta think of what meaning to attach to it, since its gonna make its debut in the dictionary soon, at least in MY dictionary -- my brain.
HHH was sneezing and coughing away today. Pretty obvious she's up with a flu.. and Chrystal was quick to suggest that HHH wont be coming tmr a few seconds after she talked. Well, tomorrow will tell... Bless her...

Hmm, the 2 songs are kinda stuck within me now. A spoilt internal recorder going over and over... Not a bad thing, at least it keeps me occupied when i have nothing to do. Music only my ears can hear, whats better than that. It can blast as loud as it wants with no one complaining, and I can repeat it as many times as I want without being labelled irritating. Oh well, at least i have to learn how to control the start/stop button first before enjoying it.

Thousand miles -- “…it's always times like these when I think of you and I wonder if you ever think of me. 'Cause everything's so wrong and I don't belong living in your precious memories …”

Hmm, that line's kinda stuck somewhere in my subconscious. Maybe thats the thesis of the song or somewhat to that extent. A lovely song, and i think im seriously outdated, fancy liking it 2 years after it debuted.

Hearing such lyrics makes me ponder... .... Sometimes, how i just wish life could be just as simple as whether you wanna agree with Grayling, or with Gallagher. That way, no one suffers, but thats not the case... i should think so. Fancy me writing such a comment, when i cant even wholeheartedly decide which side of the fence i wanna sit. Dangling in the middle i suppose... I wonder how long thats gonna last.
Looking back at the past years. Perceptions, thinkings have just evolved so much, a little too much, that its kinda scary. Maybe thats life, you dont get all the answers you want... Just explore bit by bit through the journey...

Oestrogen & Progesterone

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

I dun have either of them..

Its really such a pathetic stage for me to label myself with them. -_-'' Hmm, was really in lousy, way below zero mood... ask me why? i cant answer that, cos i dont know why. Sheesh. Maybe its the stress, (always blame the stress).. or maybe people problem.. hmm... Oh well, just look ahead..

Talkin bout hormones, bio lects kinda interesting. Everytime we touch on hormones, a small brouhaha (new word eh ) would start at the bottom left of the LT... where s62 is haha. Yeah, where the guys and gals will start complaining bout each other sex's hormones, cos of numbers and complexity sake, esp. stupid menstrual cycle, where you have to just memorize those countless number & functions of who-knows-what hormones. Unanimously, its agreed by both genders that that is dumb. Well, unfortunately... or fortunately for me, i'm the "spot-the-difference" object there. Yer, left alone to withstand the onslaught of "what-they-dun-have". Haha... sometimes, comments are hilarious..lol Well, but must say, 62 pple are really great pple. A ratio of 1:3, the class's really a fun place once u get to know the majority. Heh...

Just uploaded some fotos into my comp.. Hmm, took a foto with jiade in the SA "party room". Hahaha, as what DP calls it. Yeah, its really a party room. Food, drinks, laughter, napping, card games, coffee, tea, chatting... Well, short of disco ball, playing catching, having various pot lucks, everything u name it, u get it. Of course, there are pple there studying too, amidst the hubbub.. Well, the previous name was called "The Library Reading Room". Spontaneous environmental changes have evolved the Abiotic and Biotic components there, such that selection pressure has allowed only the fittest to survive there -- those who can adapt to the harsh conditions... natural selection i guess... Those who arn't that fit... hmm, got relegated to the ice chamber. Thats where you get absolute peace, but for the price of no handphones, not even SMSes.. no discmans... and the constant onslaught of 17 degree winds, thats bound to give you rhuematism sooner or later. Oh, did i mention those flaking ceilings, that makes u appear to have dandruff? Maybe its the winter effect they're trying to emulate.. hmm..

Oh well, tmr's a new day. Hope it'll be a good day, a better day, a day without any hormonal imbalance.. Lol..

-Back to work-

Friends or Acquaintances?

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Its always times like these that i love --- the dead of the night.

There's absolute peace, and you are alone, with just you around in the whole world. The stillness of the cool air, total peace and tranquility, with the soft music of your choice playing in the background. Its times like these where you get to ponder on things, meditate on stuff, and also the most ideal time to spend with God. Well, but now, its more of pondering and thinking of stuff. Dun really feel like sleeping... and too lethargic to get down to work, but a perfect time to pen down thoughts. No one to chase me to bed, heh, when they're all in bed. Might consider turning nocturnal... lol

Slumped in my chair, lied on my bed... and as what Kerjin and I would unanimously agree on --- It's a great place and time to Stone. Yeah, stonning, another word or lingo for deep thinking, serious considerations, heavy meditation, or maybe sometimes, simply daydreaming. The times when you just focus on something, and you're in a world of your own... where emotions and thoughts just overwhelm you. I wouldnt consider it New Agey or hypnotic... its just some quiet time spent with yourself, something so lacking in this world of ours. Just a jolt or halt from that race, and just ... ... reflect.

It got me thinking bout life in the past 2 years.. and the people in it. Perhaps its the closing of another chapter in life that got me reflecting. Friends or acquaintances? Its like... an album... of pictures captured in your heart, and start looking and appreciating those intangible photos. Moments, where special people first appeared in your life. The miraculous moments... and its always here, where friends are just differentiated from acquaintances. Times of regret, where i just wish i can re-live it. Scenarios of joy, and emotional closeness... where conversations connect, thoughts knitted, feelings binded, trust first risked and built upon --- where i just wish i can stay in there forever. Well, it takes 2 hands to clap...

Acquaintances come and go... some stay longer, some shorter. Some appear on and off, others not at all.

Friends stay, or maybe not all. Part of life i guess, where some close ones may leave too... Feelings are invested, where there are risks of pain.. But not investing at all is just such a pity. Hmm... I'm beginning to see the meaning of 'Friends for Life', after all that superficial usage of it for the past 18 years. Perhaps.. turning 18 is indeed a mark of maturity. Friends were never there to be taken granted for... they are a blessing, meant for cherishing and treasuring.

"A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17

Sometimes, i think i think too much. A friend told me that before too.

Perhaps... guess thinking gives oppotunities for appreciation... and 'stoning'... a time of your very own...

Monday, July 19, 2004

Met a friend, passed some glances...
Said a word or two, and off to our worlds...
Sweet memries of yester-year,
An unforgettable time then...
Drawing close to it,
Its coming back now...
Your presence... truely missed,
But greatly felt...

Monday, July 19, 2004

Ok... got impressed upon to write this thingy. Took me quite some time, with the aid of a Thesaurus. (My vocabs limited)

Dosent really sound like a poem to me, well, maybe its just a .... eh.. something. Haha. There are meanings behind, so dear readers, see if you can interpret it =). Yep, and its oxymoronic, Oh well.. i tried to make it be.


Life

When silence speaks,
The deaf hears.
When love hates,
Good is evil.

The truth hurts,
But pain will bring joy.
When lying becomes truthful,
Certainly uncertain, will trust become.

Sweet friendship…
Bitterly sweet it can be,
Touching delights, many oft times it is.
But sorrowful gladness… a paradox, yes it is.

Classifying one, indeed straightforwardly perplexing.
Different levels, no more than two will see.
A shallow depth, a fathomless façade,
Or maybe just… profound simplicity.

When moments of peace finds trouble,
And the quiet invites tumult.
Then you know the calm of the storm has left,
Like the instant it just appeared.

With a reassured burden beginning,
Silent cries and prayers will be.
And on to life, down that road.
With an end, that the blind always sees.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Friend

I saw it coming, but felt it might not be true.
Tracing back from whence it came, I could find no root.
Perhaps its there, perhaps its not,
Well, perhaps I’m just some fool.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up, but something holds me still.
The pain, the joy and all the times, keeps lingering within my feel.
A greater pow’r within my heart, seems to keep me bounded to you.
From the unexpected moment I met you, I kinda knew I had a mission to do.

There’s something more I wish to give, but I can’t seem to bring it thru.
Give me more time, but more time I fear I have not.

I need courage, I need strength,
To first sort out things with you.
Some things might never be spoken of,
But some I must bring it thru

Well, back to the first, I just hope we get to meet.
Different worlds, different lives, please make some time for ‘we.’
I think i was at fault, and with that I say a big ‘sorry’.
Things might never be the same, and I guess it just can’t be.
But with hope I do pray, that a miracle will bring us to ‘where were we’.

But if all else fails, and time changes things,
A present I just have to give.
Please receive it, I beg of you, for you never know what it might bring.
A greater strength, will be with you, but only if you let it be.
And I might be gone, far from you, with just faith I will give.

But just before all these things, what thou sayest,
If we try to see things thru...

A growing process, that’s how I see,
That will strengthen, as well as tear through me...