Healing & Forgetting

The road ahead is long and windy, full of bends and curves.

Some sense got knocked into me, by people i've never even seen! I guess this is the path i should be taking, which i should have taken a long time ago. Its just painful, but i feel i must walk through it. I dunno how long its gonna take.

I don't know whats the best way to approach this. Forgive me if i take the wrong approach. I just hope that right at the end, we still can be standing together, still as close as before. Maybe in the meantime, i should be moving away for awhile. I hope i make the right decision. Holding on to this will never do us both any good. It'll just hurt even more.

" ... a time to heal..."
" A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing."
" A time to keep, and a time to cast away."

Ecclesiastes 3: 3,5,6

A Total Replay

Exams are coming near, and I'm losing my focus so quickly, detiorating day by day. It looks so familiar, cos i've seen it just before the prelims, and i think, the whole of this year. I'm losing my concentration, to problems arising everyday, all revolving around the same issue. I hate myself for somethings that come out from me. Some, eating up within me.

I just don't know where i want to be. I don't want to be at home, cos i feel no peace there. School's slightly better, cos they're more people. But after awhile, I feel no peace there too. Maybe i'll try walking up and down town, but exams are near, and i can't afford that. There's no where on earth that can give me peace. I feel so un-belonged, there's no where i can chill out. I need divine help, I need the peace of God, I need a companion, I need to settle this NOW!

Afterall, I know whats the problem. I just can't get rid of this !@^&*# problem. It's getting on my nerves, eating me up slowly. Its either i get stronger out of it, or i'll just crumble and disintegrate into pieces. But i know God will make a way out, He always will, i trust in that. I just hope i won't keep eyeing on those tempting pearly gates. A place called home, cos i wanna go home. Yeah, and i'll get a major scolding when i reach home too early, and i don't want that.

Jealousy, Envy, Bitterness, Complaining, Worry, Selfishness are all NOT from God, yet I possess them. I just wish, they'll depart from me ASAP. I want them to be gone, but it still lingers, always lingering.

22nd April 2005

Why so late?

Its gonna be my 7 week fitness cum multi-tasking cum weaponry cum survival-and-much-more course, with personal trainers! How privileged am I. Hmm, actually i'm really looking forward to it right now. ", Ironically, i hope its not gonna be too slack, cos of my medical history. lol. I want ACTION! haha

But..
Why so late?

Good and Bad i guess. Lemme see, these are my goals for the next 5 whole months.
1) Find a part time job -- so that i'll have resources to carry out the below activities. lol
2) Get a driving license -- of course with a $$ loan first.
3) Master 9 ball pool =)
4) Read up on financial investments -- whoa!
5) Conditioning -- before i head for camp.
6) R & R

This should keep me busy for 5 months. Any free time left, i guess i only have girls to go out with cos all the guys have disappeared in camp long before me. -_-''
Hmm, imagine me at Taka shopping around with girls, holding on to a huge load of paperbags. Thats the picture Charmaine and Zihao thought of. lol

I'm assured: I'm not alone...

So glad i managed to stumble on some online group. They've been really encouraging. People with the same beliefs, faith and point of view. I believe that it's God sent, really. A heavy burden relieved from me, i dunno for how long, but i hope it'll last long... -ger. Its really amazing how useful the internet can be. People you've never met, yet you feel so close...

Hmm, revisited Sakura yesterday with KwokSiong and gang. Lol... His belated bdae celebration, and it was really very nice of you to subsidise our dinner ", Really a BIG Thank You! Urgh, but i gotta sore throat now. Must be the chicken wings that taste like pork. haha, talk bout Halal food...
I'll never forget that 67 ride, Never ever. 90 mins of stop-go bus ride on a bendy bus is tundra weather conditions. Felt so pukish after that. 76 bus stops! yeah, thats the no. of times of stop-gos, minus the traffic lights. Thought it'll only be an hour, and no more than that. Stupid me -_-''

Feeling rather shagged now... Worked out this morning, then went for a swim after that, before going down to sch for a whole fun-filled afternoon planned and packed with ... mugging. Sheesh... Wat to do, exams coming already *sigh*. Hmm, but the exercise was good. It felt good, especially after knowing that you just stuffed urself with cheesecakes and satays and everything edible last night. Hmmm, but something happened in the shower at the pool, kinda embarassing.. lol

More Than A Year

Always on my mind,
Thinking ‘bout you each and every day.
Longing to be closer,
But it can never be.

Through my ups,
I wish you could always be part of ‘em.
During my downs,
I hoped that you would understand,
And perhaps that, you might be there.

Everytime I prayed,
You were always in it.
For blessings, for good things,
And especially, That wonderful gift.

More than a year,
Thanks for being in it.
Your encouragements… thru words and your presence.
Though you might have never realized,
You were part of what kept me going.

Almost as far as we can go,
O, for what more can I ask.