Turning Points

I've reached a crossroad - and I've decided to change my course.
It's a decision I set out to think and pray about 5months ago.

The timing however is really just terrible, especially when things are getting so messy. Fingers start crossing, but you can't blame anyone. There's only all of us to blame. However, all problems start with a root cause. Where and what is the root cause? It's a paradox, for I can't definitely say what it is.

I suppose ripples happen for a reason. When water is stagnant, mosquitoes start breeding. It's better for some waves to start lashing about, allowing refreshment.
Whether it's the work of God or the enemy, Í'm sure God is still in control. Whatever direction its heading, it will always work for His purpose and that's the comfort I cling on to. All I hope for is His presence in the whole situation. Whatever outcome this may turn out to be, if He's in it, it will certainly be the best.
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Been stuck in another crossroad. But again, He's been in it together with me all this while.

I find it terribly ironical. Countless falls and big disappointments have taken place. Yet without this, I wouldn't have grown. All my life as a child of God, this is the thing that re-moulded my thinking, that humbled me so much, that taught me what it is to trust Him blindly, and what it is to experience His endless grace.

Pass Me Not

Pass me not, O gentle Saviour

Hear my humble cry;

While on others Thou art calling,

Do not pass me by.

Come back quickly... Come back quickly

But isn't that a very selfish thing to say?

My refuge

Tomorrow's Sunday - I need to seek my refuge.
A child that fell, and caught in a rut.
Something needs to be done... soon.
but I'm ashamed, to go to Him.

Been taught that He is the solution to everything.
But that does not include solving some problems.
I know He's always there with me, so that we can DEAL with the problem together.
But again, some problems have no solutions, so we have to deal with it for a long time.
And in the first place, it's up to me if I want to deal with it or not.

Somehow I feel He's giving up, but I know it's not true.
Is He the God of the Old Testament - The one that destroys and swiftly punishes heavily the one that sins?
Or is He the Jesus of the New Testament - Who would leave the 99 sheep to seek the very 1 that went astray, and like the father of the Prodigal's son, wait for the return of His child. What if His child does not repent, and goes astray once more? Why is there unlimited forgiveness?

Perhaps He is both, but I suppose He is supressing the first attribute.

Maybe this happened for a reason, or am I just trying to console myself?

Time to wake up, Time to re-examine, Time to pray.

I'm just so afraid, it will happen again. The scary thing is... I really think it would.
I need you - My refuge.

Turn on the heat

Ooohhf.

Things are really starting to get heated. Work's piling, chapters are getting harder to understand, hours never seem to be enough, patience starts to wane, and my data storage hardware is facing saturation... and there's no option for upgrades!
It's times like this where determination comes into play. It seems that once you start to accept situations in a pessimistic way, things will just naturally dwindle downhill. On the contrary, you start getting excited about the uphill climb if you see it in a positive light. I have to get my perspective right.

After all, why should I be so worried? If God is in control and I'm doing my best, then I'm headed the way I should be going. (Textbook answer - but very true indeed)

Think I have made up my mind - more or less. Next year will be a new year. A new place, a new start. I hope this is where God is leading me to.

Sometimes, I Wish...

Sometimes, I wish... ...

I was born a prodigy
I was born with a special ability
I could be a concert pianist
I could be a professional touring pool player
I could top every single test and exam
I could have that special someone
That my life isn't complicated in some aspects
I have more melanin
I had a younger brother


But oftentimes, I am reminded how blessed I am... ....

That I wasn't an orphan
That I was born with a roof above my head
That I wasn't born with a disability
That I was born into a Christian family
That I recieved Christ
That I have friends around me
That I have a place in the university
That I can play the piano
That my family loves me
That God loves me

Getting home

Getting home from school on a daily basis can actually be quite a unique experience. People have asked why didn't I opt to stay in hall for the first year since there isn't any need to prove your worth in the first year. (Before the hall committee decides to declare you homeless) Actually I would love to, for all that convenience and independant living (FREEDOM!!) But since I do have a trusty direct-to-my-house bus service 188, I decided I could save my parents some $$.

Bus rides can be a chore at times, duing peak hours especially. As we all know, there's never enough standing space to go around, needless to say seats. But when you do find a highly coveted seat during one of those unearthly hours, there are somethings concerning the guy beside you that can occasionally evoke emotions. I'm sure we all encounter these at times, but I thought it'll be interesting to re-visit them one at a time.

1) The Disabled. Yeah, that's exactly who they are. Our public transport vehicles do not boast of large spacious seats. After all, there's no business class onboard. The Disabled don't seem to notice that. And when it's time for you (if you got the window seat) to exit the bus, they never seem to understand that the bulky bag you're carry plus the person attempting to get out can never squeeze out of that cooped up 2 seater without him actually standing up and temporarily getting out of his seat. There are occasions where I really feel like letting my bag sweep right across his face, and go.. oh. whoops. sorreee.

2) Big Jewels. Some men just like to sit with their legs wide open. Hence to put it crudely, is the suggested name. Again, they don't understand that business class seats are unavailable and that personal space is of great importance. At least leave my designated space to me, and close your legs!

3) The Exhausted. Ok. I'm guilty about this at times. Some days just suck the very last of your fortitude out of you, and the journey back home is a short laspe of time for personal re-charge. The occasional head bang is understandable. After all, public buses don't run on premium high octane gasoline. But mistaking your shoulder for a pillow... that's bad.

4) Public Announcers. PAs are sociable people, but they lack restrain. Turning a private conversation into an anncouncement isn't pleasing, at least to the one sitting beside and to the front of him.

5) Giraffes. These long-legged folks just don't seem to have the slightest concern that his legs are running into yours, when sitting at one of those face-to-face seats. Some become a total K.O. and prevent others from having a seat. Whatever it is, giraffes should really keep their legs to themselves. Fold them, and get them out of the way!

Bird-watching, whale-watching and star-gazing are all fascinating activities. But perhaps, the person next to you tomorrow could very well be an interesting analysis.

Happy Childrens' Day!

I just turned 21 the day before yesterday, and now it's Childrens' Day.

Children are just so innocent. Some are innocently menacing. But on the whole, they are innocent. No schemes, devices and ambitions that corrupt the mind... yet.

This morning's sermon was appropriate: "Let the Children Come"

13 Then they brought little children to Him, that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them.

14 But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God.

15 Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.”

16 And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them.

Mark 10:13-16

Too often we missed out the fatherly love of God. Too often we try to be overly matured adults in our journey with Him. We can just fall into His arms, and hug Him so dearly. It's possible, because of His love. A father, a friend, and yet our king. Intimacy and reverance seems to be worlds apart. But with God, those who know Him gets to experience them both at the same time.

May we be reminded on Childrens' Day, that the Child-like ones are those who:

1) Are Trusting

2) Are not self conscious

3) Have a sense of wonder

I am reminded very appropriately at the onset of my adulthood: A child-like faith, an unashamed testimony and worship, and being excited about God once again.